Hope

It has now been a few weeks
I had hoped we would speak
I had prayed you would see
I did what I did for your safety
I told what I told for your good
I gave up our trust to keep you
I  miss you.
Will you ever forgive
Will you ever let me in
Did I ruin our friendship
Probably, but I did what was right.
I did what was needed
to keep you from harm

Sleep Well

When the tough gets giong....shut the door behind him! And then triple lock it and put a chair in front of it. Then make sure you run around the house locking the windows. Close the shades too because then he can't stare at you looking like a sad puppy dog. Don't worry, it will be ok. Everything turns out fine. Its the way it should be. Just remember to disable the doorbell before shutting off the light. You will sleep extremely well tonight!

Huh?

What out of this makes sense? Entry level position, do not apply unless you have experience. Experience a plus.....Ok, entry level usually means that you have some idea of what the job entails but not how to do the job. It means you will be taught. At least that's what I thought. Do not apply unless you have experience.....so wouldn't that mean that it is NOT an entry level job. Experience a plus....so you want me to not know but know how to do the job!! I have a bachelors degree and these kinds of postings confuse me. What the heck do they want? A newbie or an oldie? If you write help wanted ads....please be more clear because that one is not!!! Does one apply for this job if they have no experience? Does one pass it by? Why are companies so stupid! My guess would be that they probably have no idea what the heck they are looking for! I'm glad I have my job, but for those still looking.....not sure that the position will be filled...or maybe it will with an unexperienced, experienced know it all, who doesn't know it all......

Us

When we started out, we were lovers, we were lusting for eachother. As time passed, we became friends. Then, when the time was right, we were husband and wife. My life with you couldn't be any better. I tell you daily that I wouldn't want anyone else. You are my best friend. You are my reason to get up in the morning. You are my life, my world. No one could ever understand what we have. We are not perfect, but we are perfect together. We are not rich, but we are rich with love. We are not special, but we are special together. Together we make eachother better people. Together we make life better. In my eyes, there is no one that could take your place. I am not me when you are not with me. I feel alone, when you are not here. You are my strength, my protector, my friend, my lover. You are a part of me that I cannot live without. I love you, forever and always. You're my best friend.

Just Don't

Please don't say something to me unless you mean it. I have had way to many people walk in and out of my life saying don't worry we'll stay close forever. If you know that you aren't going to then please don't say it. Just tell me that you will be here for now and that the future is unknown. During this time I love you or want to be around you. You are special now. But don't say I will be special forever. Maybe I won't be. Maybe I'll forget about you. Wouldn't that be a turn of events. Wait, maybe I've already forgotten about you, about our friendship. Maybe I have no want to be friends and never did. Maybe I did because I thought you did. Maybe there are just to many maybes in this world. I have enough drama in my life with my own family and my close friends, I don't need yours. My circle is becoming smaller and more closely knit. When I die, I want to be remembered fondly by those I love. I don't want to be remembered as the girl who loved everyone or the girl who was easy to like. I want to be remembered because when I told you that I love you and want to be your friend, I meant it. I just did. I meant it 100%. So please just don't tell me something unless you mean it.

Friends?

I wonder some days what a true friend is. Am I a true friend? I feel like I have some work to do. This makes me a little sad. I always have loved my friends but I have this issue that I am horrible at keeping up with them! I need to change this, but how? When I get home from work all I want to do is veg and spend time with the family. I know I need to call or text more.

Then there are the time that I do reach out and get no response. Have I waited to long? How do I know this person still wants to talk to me? Just another one of my self conscious thoughts. Even if I have been some ones friend for a long time, sometimes I just shut down when I see them. I love being who I am except for this part of me. What kind of friend doesn't talk to another friend when they see eachother. I don't know why I do this. Is it my mentality of thinking that I'm not good enough?

This all stems from my depression I guess. Thank God for antidepressants, because I would REALLY be a hermit I think. My hubby is always telling me to get out, go see my friends. Its so hard to do that though.

So to anyone reading this, thanks for caring enough to do so. Please don't give up on me. I am trying to get better at this!!!

Listen

Quietly I wait
On my knees at my bedside
I've told You my heart
I wait for reply

I listen for You
To tell me the answer
I've told you my fears
I wait for reply.

Those were the days.

It used to be that everyday I would wake up and just go out to play. At some point I grew up. I still to this day want to get out of bed and run out side to play. To have races on our bikes around the block, to play in the sprinkler, to drag out the dolls, or the Vultron set. I want to pull out the long red dress or the prom dress and play dress up. I daily have to resist getting my wedding dress out of its sealed box and putting it on! My hair would be in pigtails or wraps, with cute little bows. Or braids with those funky barretts at the ends. My jeans would have grass stains and my shirt would have a chocolate ice cream stain, but I wouldn't care! To climb up in the old fort dad built and slide down the zip line or hide behind the shed so that we didn't have to go in at dinner. Playing farm in the backyard, raking up the grass clippings. Digging to China in the sandbox only to find out that it takes a long.....long time to get there that way. Chasing the ice cream truck with my dollar. Yelling out my bedroom window and hiding. Running down the street with my arms wide open to meet my friends that I hadn't seen since the day before. Jumping in rain puddles and walking around under the umbrella after mom said to come in the house. Just being a kid. So carefree. So oblivious to the world, and pain, and color. So oblivious to what will come as you wish to be older. Those were the days.

Somewhere

Somewhere in the sky
There is a special place.
A place where all are fine
And frowns are not found.
This place holds those that have left us
and keeps them safe and sound
It takes away the tears and pain
And lets them live again.

Somewhere in the sky
Our loved ones look down
They see our smiling faces
and know we'll be okay
That we are safe and sound
according to His plan
Until we get to see them
And hold their hands again.

Wait

There you were
To far to touch
my hand outstretched
your back to me.

I cried out to you
you kept on walking
I fell to my knees
my head in my hands

I heard you stop
I peeked to see
You turned around
and walked toward me

Your hand reached down
It lifted my chin
You kissed me once
And never left again.